You dance over me, while I am unaware. You sail all around but I never hear the sound.

I havn't blogged in so long I have a hard time remember why I liked it so much.  I have been going through some crazy motions.  I have to say sometimes finding yourself means losing yourself and that hurts. 


Got my suitcase Got my dog I'm packing up my life so far Got my pictures Got some cash I'm getting out of here at last Got my hands on the wheel Got my foot on the pedal Gonna drive 'til I drop 'Til the tires turn to metal Gonna sleep when I'm dead Gonna laugh like the devil Gonna find some place where no one knows me Gonna stop when the last drop of gas turns to vapor Gonna ride 'til I can't even seem to remember Who I was when I left and it don't even matter Gonna find some place where no one knows me Feel the sun burn on my skin I feel the wind whip through my grin Tore the rear view mirror down I wrapped it in my wedding gown Got my hands on the wheel Got my foot on the pedal Gonna drive 'til I drop 'Til the tires turn to metal Gonna sleep when I'm dead Gonna laugh like the devil Gonna find some place where no one knows me Gonna stop when the last drop of gas turns to vapor Gonna ride 'til I can't even seem to remember Who I was when I left and it don't even matter Gonna find some place where no one knows me... 

It has been so long since I have been here.  I remember when it used to be my favourite place.  But since I have been going through so much,  I just can't seem to sit here and air out my problems. 

My solace for my last nights that run into early mornings  have been tea, journaling and of course for the only chuckle I get right now is the Shopaholic series.  I have no idea how to fix the state I am in.

Recently new events have nade me question everything.  Whats nex

People surprise me, although they shouldn't they do.  I seem to have a  hard time grasping the fact that people can be crude and hurtful.  I really sometimes beleive that God puts people in our lives as a test of love and commitment to Him, or atleast that is what I hpoe this is.
I somestiems have the feeling that I am not trying hard enough but how do you help someone who doesn't want your help and really doesn't want you at all.  I mean at the same time I feel compelled to help but she hates me and I know that.  I guess it is simple to say that I have a hard time with someone hating me.  At the same time I am not sure why I don't hate her and cause the old me would and there are times I still want to but I can't.  I know that God doesn't want anyone to hate anyone.  I am not sure why I am questioning me not hating her I guess I should feel blessed that I don't. 
All I ever hear is that things would be different If you just did this.  I know that truth that even if I changed one thing then it would be another cause she would expect it from me.  I am not sure why I am looking to gain excceptance from someone who does not understand me anyway.  But why don't I hate her like she does me?
I just need to know

I went to bed early last night because I had been so tired all week from working and staying up to late.  I made sure to make no plans except to be in bed by 10 or so and I was.  However, I knew today had layed so much before me.  I wanted to clean and fold laundry.  I grabbed a coffee and began to start my day.  I dug out stuff to begin scrubbing.  I had noticed there a  black mark on my floor that just wouldn't come  I began to get down on my knees and scrub as hard as I could.  The stain finally started to come.  I was relieved. 
The more my moring has gone on that stain made me think.  I take the time to get on my knees to scrub but what about to pray?   How often do I meet God where he asks?  He always seems to meet me where I am.  He srubbed my stains when He was dying.  He wasn't relieved the stain was removed, because He never questioned it to begin with. 

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistence
The tension is here
Between who you are and you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I love the lyrics to this song.  Actually just a couple of lnes..

"I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor like today never happened, liked today never happened before.

How often do we feel ike we are donw and can;t get up? We think well if we just stay here and take time to rest alone it will be easier to  get up later.

IT'S NOT.  God dares us everyday he actually demands us.  He's says "take up your cross daily.  That means no matter how bad we feel or waht wer are going through, if we walk qwith Him, he will gives us the strength to lift ourselves up no matter what we are going through